Durham Gnomes

Klaus "The Blue Phoenix" Klemenson

2010-09-29T16:48:00.005-04:00

"But Mommy," you ask, "why does this gnome look different from all of the other gnomes?" Because this gnome is special. Very, very special. Klaus "The Blue Phoenix" Klemenson was reborn out of the scraps of old unwanted objects. He came into being through the hard work and love of a few very awesome Durhamites who wanted to make sure the gnomes of Durham found their place in the history of this great city. This Sunday, October 3rd, there will be a Community Portrait of Durham - an aerial photo of people and objects that will become part of Durham's history. Klaus will make his public debut at this special event. He would love for you to join him by wearing blue and showing up at Durham Central Park at noon. Bring your blue objects, games, picnic food, and musical instruments.

From the writers at DurhamGnomes.com - thank you, awesome Durhamites for putting this event together and for creating Klaus to be an ambassador of the gnomes of Durham.

Jorgen Jorgenson

2010-06-26T14:21:00.000-04:00

Jorgen carries the light when the dark night has crept in. He looks after gnomes and humans alike, as they speed down the highway like arrows eagerly seeking their target – be it a department store open late or a sushi restaurant ready to please.

Jorgen is seen as a loving father figure by some, as a fierce guard against the terrors of the dark by others, and as a staple of the community by all.

Next time it is late and you are driving alone in Durham, know that Jorgen is out there somewhere, and he is looking out for you.

Durham Mourns

2010-06-22T20:55:00.005-04:00

As I'm sure many of you have heard or seen by now, several of our beloved gnome friends have vanished. Theories regarding their disappearance are bountiful and varied: Some say they have been gnomenapped by local evildoers. Others suggest that their long thick beards and insulated hats have made Durham's sweltering summers entirely unbearable. Have they escaped to cooler climes? Perhaps Gnomania, Vietgnome, or the Gnominican Republic?

Regardless of what's befallen our short-statured friends, we miss them and wish they'd return. We find it hard to believe that any Durhamite could harbor ill will toward these peaceful, loving creatures who have brought such joy to this city.

In the days to come, we will continue profiling the gnomes we were lucky enough to photograph before their disappearance. Please continue to send word of new sightings. You may also share your memories of those gnomes no longer with us.

An Introduction to Ingmar the Impatient

2010-06-21T08:45:00.001-04:00

It’s only June, and Ingmar can already be heard asking “Is it Christmas yet?” As his friends and family can attest, Ingmar has never been a patient gnome.

“I recall one time,” his mother begins, “when Ingmar was in line for his favorite treat at the candy store - caramel apples dipped in chocolate chips. The line wasn’t moving fast enough for my dear Ingmar, so the clever boy started farting his way to the front of the line. A fart here, and a fart there, and soon enough the line had cleared out, and Ingmar was there in the front of the line. When he wants something, waiting around for it isn’t an option.”

This time around it seems that instead of caramel apples, it’s Christmas that has Ingmar all fueled up. With the holiday still officially 6 months away, the rotund gnome has fashioned himself a suit to match St. Nick’s finest. With two presents in hand, it looks as though there is no stopping this gnome from declaring the Christmas season to have started early this year.

UPDATE: In the time between the writing (yesterday) and the posting (today) of this story, Ingmar has disappeared! More comments about disappearing gnomes to come in a future post.

Heinrich von Moneybottoms

2010-06-20T17:03:00.006-04:00

Perched high above Durham's downtown, Heinrich von Moneybottoms represents the last of Durham's original building-dwelling gnomes. He unobtrusively made his first appearance nearly one year ago and has displayed remarkable patience while awaiting his Durham Gnomes debut.

Recently, we asked Heinrich from whence he draws this passivity and restraint. He lowered his head and humbly offered this explanation: "I once was like these younger gnomes, quick to jump on the latest bandwagon, drawn to the bling and the sparkle, ignorant of the consequences of my actions. In 1997, I was blinded by ambition and dreams of being the wealthiest gnome in America. Fortune Magazine became my Bible, and I threw all my wealth into a promising energy company called Enron. My accountants at Arthur Andersen assured me this was a sound investment."

Heinrich sighs before continuing: "Four years later, well... you know the rest of the story. Impatience and greed - they got me nowhere. I swore off investing forever and joined an ashram in the Himalayas. This is where I learned the value of patience, mindfulness, and detachment."

As Heinrich explains it, he is currently carrying out his penance, holding spiritual court over one of downtown Durham's financial centers, engaging in daily prayer and meditation as he observes the transactions taking place below. "If, by my presence, I am able to curb the materialistic desires of just one Durhamite, I will have done my duty."

In the spirit of steadfast self-flagellation, Heinrich retains the Moneybottoms surname as a reminder of his own weakness and tendency toward avarice. "I am still a gnome and only a gnome. I am flawed and powerless without daily [yoga] practice, fasting, and prayer."

Thanks for the emails and comments

2010-06-19T18:23:00.000-04:00

Just a quick shout-out to all of you who have been leaving comments on the blog, and emailing us with gnome sightings. Great to see so many other Durhamites enjoying the gnome phenomena!

Gerhardekimbrell Snow

2010-06-08T16:00:00.000-04:00

Gerhardekimbrell Snow likes to watch, but not be seen. Perhaps it is not polite to speculate, but part of the shyness may be because of his uneasiness with his gender. He preps for his day every morning with a thick application of mascara, and a skillfully sculpted heart-shaped lipstick pucker. However, despite these feminine tendencies, he will not give up his long handsome beard. But who are we to judge as mere humans?

The story of this sighting is perhaps as interesting as the story of Gerhardekimbrell's morning routines. One of our loyal readers, Wyatt "The Gnome Hunter," caught sight of Gerhardekimbrell out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't get a good view of the gnome from his vantage point, so he put his hunting skills to work. He scaled fire escapes, ducked through windows, and leaped from rooftop to rooftop just to capture this rare photo of this super shy gnome. The effort paid off though. We thank you, Gnome Hunter, for bringing this photo to our readers.

Finnegan Farnsworth III

2010-06-06T20:32:00.007-04:00

Finnegan always seems to be in the heart of the action. Some would even claim that the action only exists, because Finnegan made it so. Where Finnegan goes, action follows. These days he is usually found near the American Tobacco Campus, grabbing some food from Mellow Mushroom, or watching the loyal Bulls fans scurry here and there.
Back in his early days, Finnegan Farnsworth III owned a small tobacco plantation in the area. At the time, he successfully made a hybrid Tomato-Tobacco plant that was the rage for a short amount of time, before the government outlawed it because it was "So darn good tasting, it will put all of the other plantations out of business." To this day, people who catch sight of Finnegan often claim that his pipe smoke smells just a bit different than most, but what can you expect out of good old Finnigan Farnsworth III.

Explosion of Gnomes

2010-06-06T20:17:00.002-04:00

It's been a long while since we have posted, but with the recent explosion in the local gnome population, we figured we needed to get on the ball and post. First off, a big thanks to everyone who has written to us in the last few days - Kaferine, Mrs Scoot, Josh and others.

Where have all of the new gnomes come from? Is this Gnome birthing season? Is there a Gnome convention around? We don't know, but we like to think that word is getting out that Durham is just an awesome city for Humans and Gnomes alike.

More posts to follow in the coming days...

Errigal Baby Face

2009-10-27T23:20:00.000-04:00

There's so much to say about Errigal - where do we start? His name is
as good a place as any. As is the custom with gnomes in the Donegal
region of the Republic of Ireland, Errigal was not given his full name
until his 15th birthday. When his sacred naming ceremony rolled
around, the elders were taken with Errigal's still toddler-like
features: the large eyes, the tiny marble-like nose, and the
impossibly small mouth. In a rare feat of unanimous voting, the
elders quickly agreed on the name Errigal Baby Face. To this
day, despite his ivory-white beard, his baby features dominate his
gnomely profile.

We will delve deeper into Errigal's past and present in later posts
and may even touch on the incredible story of how he met his tiny
mouse friend, Egan.

Meet Devyn Dazzling Drawers!

2009-10-13T23:08:00.010-04:00

For the last week, Devyn Dazzling Drawers has grown increasingly impatient awaiting his DurhamGnomes debut. “What’s all the fuss about Bartleby?” he was quoted as saying. “He goes arsing around for a few days, probably looking for a new molly, and you’d think the bloody world was ending. Meanwhile, I’m here, sporting the hottest trousers this side of St. Patty’s Cathedral, and not one of you bogtrotters gives a crack!”

Assured that his time in the limelight had arrived, Devyn quickly apologized for being such a “puss face.” He then shared the story of his blindingly brilliant britches: “As a young lad in Ireland, me family had nothing. All twelve of us, from the time we were squealers, were dressed in potato sacks. I swore if I ever made it out of there, I’d drop a few squid on some respectable attire.”

Devyn’s taste in flashy fashion is not the only quality that sets him apart from Durham’s more traditional gnome folk. Never one to follow the crowd, Devyn has chosen to establish his home far from the glitz and glamour of Durham’s downtown. He prefers, instead, to observe from his altitudinous abode as northbound travelers wend their way along one of the city’s largest thoroughfares.

So, fellow gnome aficionados, point your eyes toward the skies, and you can’t miss him. Congrats to DurhamGnomes reader Breanna W. for already spotting him!

An anonymous tip

2009-10-13T13:24:00.003-04:00

We received an anonymous email (seriously) with a photo and some news. Bartleby is safe! We even hear rumors he is contemplating joining the Durham Police Force. Not surprising really, considering he enjoyed watching over the Police from his position atop the police headquarters.

We will update you all on any further Bartleby news as it comes in. Our newest Gnome find should be coming out in the next day or two - check back soon!

Bye Bye Bartleby

2009-10-08T16:50:00.005-04:00

It looks as though Bartleby went off to find greener pastures. I suppose we should now reveal where Bartleby previously called his home.

There he is, peering over the edge of the lower building.
Just a speck in this photo.

A closer view of our good friend Bartleby

Look to the far right of the building.
Yes, you are seeing this right, Bartleby lived
on top of the Durham PD headquarters. Sneaky little bugger.

With that, we say goodbye to our beloved Bartleby. May your adventures continue to be fruitful.

Corcoran Candypants

2009-10-07T21:28:00.008-04:00

Like a teenage girl at a slumber party, this rumor-loving gnome just can’t be brought down. Glancing coyly over his right shoulder, Corcoran Candypants giddily anticipates the next juicy morsel of adolescent gnome gossip. Will Shylah Lovely Lashes finally agree to go steady with Artie Twinkle Toes? Or will Briac Blemish Bottom overcome his dermatological demons in time to win her heart???

…As Corcoran contemplates the future of these budding bitty romances, the smells of Thickburgers and Ultimate Bacon Platters swirl around his lofty love nest. But no Fish Supreme will ever find its way into this gnome’s delicately designed diet.

“A lot of things I admire ‘bout human folk,” Corcoran explains, his Irish brogue softening his rebuke, “but the burgeoning bellies, I cannot abide. I much prefer me greens and grains!"

With a characteristic wink, he adds, "And the lady gnomes ain't complained yet!"

Bartleby Green Thumb

2009-09-30T14:48:00.015-04:00

Gnome gnumber two - Bartleby Green Thumb - makes his first appearance on DurhamGnomes.com. Yes, you are seeing this correctly, Bartleby is holding a watering can. Is he making some sort of political statement about the need for more greenery in downtown Durham? You'll have to ask Bartleby yourself, but first you'll have to find him... and this one ain't easy to find, so we'll give you a hint. He's on a building that's at least 5 stories high and houses some of Durham's finest public servants.

Be warned, don't walk too close to Bartleby, as he may empty his watering can on your beautifully sculpted noggin.

Alastair Lazy Legs

2009-09-27T12:22:00.001-04:00

Our first gnome sighting! We dub thee Alastair Lazy Legs. This gnome was the inspiration of the blog, as it was spotted from the office of two of our blog authors. Alastair Lazy Legs is sporting a stylish pair of brown boots, a large green trench coat to brave the weather, and a sagging red gnome hat that has most likely seen many years of use.

We present here our first photo of Alastair, but will not yet reveal his exact location. Over time we will give you, our loyal readers, more hints as to his whereabouts, but we hope you will go out and try to find him yourself in Durham.

Gnome News is Good News

2009-09-27T11:59:00.002-04:00

In the last several months, the mid-North Carolina city of Durham has experienced a curious phenomenon. Pedestrians and motorists alike are stopping in their tracks, craning their necks, and remarking on the sudden proliferation of pointy-hatted creatures dotting the Durham skyline and landscape.

The humble authors of this blog claim no special knowledge of these gnomes' provenance, nor do they purport to know the location of every gnome in Durham. Rather, they comprise a small but enthusiastic group of Durham lovers delighted by the frivolity of finding and photographing each mythic creature in its environs.

Join us on our journey as we discover and befriend these short-statured Durhamites!